THIS IS ABOUT ME.... HOW I BECAME WHO I AM....
MY TRUTH....MY HEALING JOURNEY.....
MY LESSONS..... MY TRANSFORMATION.....
Early Childhood, Adventure and Martial Arts
I was born on the 22nd of November 1973 in a small industrial town in Germany. My dad was an illustrator/artist and musician, my mom an amazing housewife, the best chef I know:)). In my early childhood, my dad was mostly working or had gigs. He did his best to provide financially for our family with the downside of being away most of the time. My mother was struggling a lot with depression and often found herself in alcohol excesses. So sad that the amazing healing tools we have today were inaccessible at that time. I was raised by my grandmother and spend my time mainly in nature, adventuring in the forests and building treehouses. I still can remember many of these unforgettable moments of bliss that I experienced back then. ’Being in the present moment’’ in absolute perfection. I now understand that these were my first experiences of Satori (in Zen Buddhism, it means short moments of enlightenment).
Later, as a young child, I was drawn to martial arts and x-sports like skateboarding and BMX - Biking. Now I understand that this draw was the pull towards the present moment where I felt joy and satisfaction.
A lot changed when my parents got separated at the age of 11 and my stepfather came into my life. From that time on, my upbringing was very fear based. My stepfather and my mother drifted into alcoholism and violence against each other. I lived very much in the fear of him hurting my mother seriously. I was immersed in martial arts that time for relieve and with the goal to protect my mother.
Motorcycles, Drugs and Gangs
I left home when I was 18 years old, though still very worried for my 2 sisters and my mother. In my late teens and early twenties, I founded a rockabilly gang and later became a member of motorcycle club. This was my support and family. I learnt a lot about what it means to be in service to my brothers. At this time, I dedicated my life to brotherhood, party, drugs and yes, being violent myself. This might sound terrible, but it wasn't all bad. We we had tons of fun and amazing times. I was still conditioned to regard toughness and physical strength as a way to get recognition and love. I wish we would have known about the amazing healing potentials of plant-medicines. I am sure it would have saved many of my brothers lives.
During that time, I had many jobs such as truck driver, plasterer, and bouncer. I was also in the German military, which actually led me the first time into the Amazon to do a rainforest combat training with the foreign legion. There, I envisioned that one day I would live in the forest and work in harmony with other people and nature.
Death of my Mum and taking care of my Sister
The first major change came at 24, after my mother committed suicide. This tragic event turned my life upside down. I took on the responsibility of caring for my 10-year-old sister and my 84-year-old grandmother. I eventually fought hard to get full custody of my little sister, who has grown into a person I am very proud of. My grandmother stayed with us until she was 94 years old, supporting us as much as possible. She passed after a challenging last year of her life at our home. I miss this woman so much!
After all these events, I decided to leave the motorcycle club world behind, and I immersed myself in x-sports like snowboarding, wakeboarding, and kitesurfing. I also decided to pursue a degree in medical engineering, which I believed would lead to worldly success and happiness. I couldn't have been more wrong!
Awakening to the Truth - Being diagnosed with an incurable disease
In my late twenties I got hit with intense waves of back pain. After 4 years of no diagnose at the age of 29 I finally was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis - a serious and “incurable” form of arthritis that primarily affects the spine, causing inflammation of the spinal joints, leading to severe, chronic pain and discomfort.
Already most of the time on painkillers, I was looking for alternative healing methods. I discovered yoga as a way to release stress, reduce pain and improve my flexibility. I loved the benefits of yoga so much that soon I started teaching it to my sisters and friends. My big breakthrough and awakening process started when I went for my first teacher training in 2007. Immersed in philosophy, meditation and breathwork, I remember many moments of bliss and absolute clarity. This also gave me the courage to leave my well paid job as Medical Engineer in 2011 behind and step into the unknown.
Leaving everything behind - from living the dream into the darkest corners of myself
In 2011 I moved to South Africa and ran a Kitesurfing school and shop as well as a little yoga shala, living the life of my dreams This came with a big drawback, even when I was surfing almost daily, my trauma and shadows always accompanied me. My back pain was worse than ever I swallowed huge amounts of painkillers. It came to a point when the doctors wanted to put me on the strongest painkillers available, so called biologics. I didn't say yes to that even when I was very desperate and fearful of the future.I had to deal with depression as a result of the medication and the strong pain. I still remember the times when I got up at 4 am to take my first painkillers of the day. Otherwise I was in no position to do my 6 am yoga session. I probably tried most of the available alternative cures available. That was also the time when the plant medicines were literally calling me on every corner. I attended my first shamanic plant medicine ceremony in the beginning of 2012. WOW!
The very first session healed me unexpectedly of the need to numb myself with alcohol every now and then. I already reduced my alcohol consumption to a few beers with my surfer friends every other month. Problem was that after a few beers I felt this strong need to drink more until I got very drunk. What a blessing, one plant medicine ceremony and this need was completely gone, actually to a point where I even stopped having those after surf beers with the guys.
Plant Medicines gave me a lot of hope, and ceremony by ceremony I healed one layer at the time and believe me there were a lot of layers and lot of ceremonies over the years. One of the most life changing ones were when I went alone into the South African mountains with 6g of dried psyloscybin mushrooms. I made a fire and had a night I will cherish forever. I came back as a new person.
My back and joint pain was much better but still came back and I was still on pain-killers, luckily not the strong ones anymore. At this time I found vipassana meditation. In the first year I did 2 x 10 day sittings, next to plants, daily practice of yoga, meditation and breathwork. I would describe how I felt during that time in the following way: It was as if I faced all the darkness within me, uncertain about what was going to happen and unsure whether I would get out of this alive.
Fully healed - Getting ready to serve and being a channel of truth and transformation
Finally in 2016 I quit taking all kinds of medications. I healed the so-called “incurable” disease. If I had listened to all the so-called experts, I am sure that I wouldn't be here anymore.
Attending many shamanic ceremonies helped me realise that vibration and sound are the foundation of basically everything. I had a strong desire to learn more about sound and vibration and how to integrate it into my practice.
In 2018, I attended a profound sound healing journey in Bali. I knew right away, that's what I want to do! I became a Sound Healing Facilitator and started studying everything I could about the transformative power of sound. Since then, there is not one day I haven't practiced my instruments and explored more about the world of sound.
Today I teach Sound Alchemy, Inner Dance and Movement Alchemy Trainings. I offer Sound Alchemy Journeys, Inner Dance sessions, Deep Meditation seminars and 1:1 guidance to help people reaching their full potential